I’m back….with a whole new insight…

I’ve been toying with the idea of blogging again but in a more disorderly fashion.  I really enjoyed my first try at blogging, it had some ups and downs, but definitely more ups than downs.  It was very fun, but it started to stress me out coming up with content.  When I reflect on it, I feel like when I pigeon holed myself to specific days with specific topics it made for content that I wasn’t exactly proud of or happy with and even struggled to come up with at times.  So, on my next journey I am going to just write about the here and now and I don’t plan to blog every single day, as I did previously.  Another plan of mine is not to get so hurt by people’s hard feelings.  I received a very nasty email regarding someone’s feelings on my blog.  They thought it was condescending and vain, which was never my intention, ever.  So, if you feel like my blogs are condescending and vain, please do us both a favor and just don’t read them or better yet reach out to me with your actual name and tell me you don’t like my content.  I will let you know why I wrote what I wrote and where I was coming from, and you can tell me what you didn’t like about it and maybe we can both grow from the experience.  Instead of hiding behind fake names and fake email addresses which you cowardly delete when I reply.  I love hearing feedback though, I think feedback is a huge tool in professional and personal relationships.  Sometimes I might take it differently than you intended, especially if it is delivered in an attacking way, but ultimately I will do my best to learn and grow.  I will try my best on this second part of my journey to be a little less condescending and vain.  How I will go about doing that, I’m not sure, but I will certainly make my best attempt.  If you ever have constructive feedback for me, please feel free to reach out at hollyontheblog@gmail.com!

So now that that is addressed, thank you for coming back and joining me on this new ride.  I will do my best to create real and authentic content and would love to interact with anyone who chooses to read this! Welcome back, if you previously followed along with me.

One thought that crossed my mind today is that I would like to make a conscious effort to live a life that is more deliberate, more present and most importantly I would like to be the person who I want my daughter to think I am.  Wow, that was a mouthful or a lot to read but the last one really sank in with me and I thought more and more about it and landed at the following questions:

  • Who do I want my daughter to think I am?
  • How do I want my daughter to describe me?
  • How am I going to make myself more of that person that I aspire to be?

So naturally, I thought I should start listing some characteristics and thoughts and come up with a plan for myself for how I can get there feasibly.  So here is my list, and I challenge you to think of yours…

  • I want my daughter to say that I am strong.  I want to be physically strong, but also mentally.  The physical part was easy for me to figure out..I joined a local gym.  Not just any local gym, I joined a gym that met the qualifications I would need to have absolutely no reason to say no to going.  I found a gym that is close to my house, has a variety of classes (I prefer group fitness), has childcare, and fits in my monthly budget (I’m not a crazy budget person that has it all in a spreadsheet but I did come up with a cost with my husband that seemed reasonable, but still gave me the ability to find good quality).  So the physical side should hopefully resolve eventually, and I would like to believe that the mental side will be assisted by the gym, as well.  Speaking of the mental side, I am the queen of getting in my own head and sometimes doubting myself, but this here is my written confirmation that I am going to stop doing that.  Life is way too short for self doubt.  I know here and there it will resurface, but overall I just need to stop and I am stopping today.  To me the word strong in the mental sense means being confident in my decisions.  To you, it may mean something completely different but that is for you to decide and for me to guide.
  • I want my daughter to say that my mom loved her body in any shape and form that it was in at any given time.  This is one that might be hard for me but again it is something that I am working on (at the gym, I hope!).  I have never had a real body image struggle until after I had a baby.  I have always been a very big eater and not really had to try to hard to stay happy with my body.  After giving birth, I knew it would take time for me to get back to where I wanted to be, but I didn’t think it would take this long.  It has been a really eye opening experience for me, and honestly sad at times.  I tried to remind myself day in and day out that my body gave me the absolute best gift I have ever received in my entire life, my baby girl.  However during that process I also got some additional gifts in the form of lumpy looking skin, a bigger clothing size, a c-section scar, and some really interesting placed stretch marks.  So many people would say, what are you talking about you look great or who cares, but that’s just not how I felt.  So I decided recently, if I’m not happy, I need to make some changes.  I started changing my diet not in a crazy fashion but just here and there making some swaps, going to the gym, and honestly trying to eat more of the food I feed my daughter instead of the food that looks good or is easy and I have already seen a dramatic difference and I feel better too.  It kind of made me laugh to think about how I carefully select fruit, veggies, organic meat and all kinds of “healthy” things for my daughter, but then I eat pizza or other things I know are doing me no favors.   I’m not saying I will never eat pizza because gosh I love pizza, but I am just trying to be a little more deliberate in how much of the not so great things I eat.  I have also thought about instituting a new rule, I haven’t tried it yet, but instead of going for seconds, I am going to try to clean up from dinner first, and then when I am done cleaning up, if I am still hungry, then I can have a little bit more.  Hopefully this helps, I will try to return to the subject when I try it.  So, in closing out this section, I am hoping that by coming up with tools that are easy for me to follow and a gym that I can get to more easily, I will return to loving my body in an shape or form and laugh at this post one day.
  • I want my daughter to say that I am thoughtful and caring of others.  I would like to believe I am, but who knows maybe I am and maybe I am not.  The way in which I am going to be better about this is being more present.  Sometimes I find myself so excited about what I am going to say that I forget to listen to what the person who I am speaking with is actually saying.  I think that it’s pretty normal and a lot of people can relate to this, but I want to conscientiously be a better listener.  From being a better listener, I think I will be able to be more thoughtful and caring of others.
  • I want my daughter to say that I worked so hard in my career and built my own successes.  I have always loved to see myself succeed, hopefully that isn’t too vain for that one hateful person that contacted me a while back.  It’s exhilarating, gives me purpose, and keeps me going.  My work life hasn’t been the easiest ride, in fact it has been quite bumpy, but I’ve loved it, appreciated it, and learned so much from it along the way.  I went to school to be a teacher, was incredibly unhappy being a teacher, decided to pursue a career in sales, got laid off twice in realignments, found a passion in skincare, and now I am off to start my dream job in April.  It hasn’t been an easy process.  I had a lot of downs, but I just try to always always always focus on the ups, and truthfully I try to never compare myself to others.  The last part is something that is SO hard this day in age, especially with a little thing called social media right at our fingertips.  Oh My Gosh is social media the worst when you’re having a “down.”  For some reason, whenever I have been down every person in my work network seems to be CEO, getting promoted, winning president’s club or whatever.  Everyone is successful but me, now that is a huge lie…people are choosing to share how successful they are which is completely different from being successful.  Decide what being successful means to you and OWN IT, who cares what being successful means to everyone else…this is your life and you deserve the best. If you aren’t happy in your career start looking around and talking to people around you, you never know what is out there till you seek it out.  If I can ever be of any help to anyone and their career, please reach out, I love to help if I can!
  • I want my daughter to say that I always tried to make myself better.  The best part about life is that it is constantly changing and everyday can be different.  The one thing I think is so important in life to do, in every single aspect, is reflect.  I think sometimes we are so busy running around and trying to do everything that we forget to reflect.  It’s SO important even if it is just in your head.  I personally like to do it on here, but that is certainly not everyone’s cup of tea.  I think the best thing to do as your driving, commuting, right before you go to bed, or whenever you find a free 30 seconds, ask yourself:
    • What did I do well today?
    • What didn’t go so well today?
    • How could I have made that better?
    • What are some things I can try tomorrow to make my life easier and make it harder to come up with things that didn’t go so well?

I definitely don’t do this every day, but I would love to start and I think I would find that it would make me a way better person if I did.  I do try to better myself though.  One small example is that I found a great suggestion on one of the mommy groups I follow on FB.  This suggestion was so simple and has really improved my laundry situation.  The person’s suggestion was an answer to someone that always had laundry all over her house and she was asking how moms manage.  The lady the replied said she always takes the laundry out of the dryer and folds and puts it away in whatever room it goes in, she never folds laundry on the couch because she never understood people who fold laundry there then carry it upstairs and put it on the bed, the put it in the drawers, she just puts it away as she folds it. Now some of you may be saying duhhhh, but I had an AHA moment.  I always folded laundry on my couch and it often sits there for a little while before I put it away.  I started instituting this small change of carrying my laundry up right after it comes out of the dryer and it has made a wealth of difference in my life.

So, I could probably honestly go on and on about the things I hope my daughter thinks or says about me, but this is getting really long, and who really has time for that….

So, instead I am going to stop here and let it all resonate and hope that this post said something to you because it definitely made me think.

I hope to jump back on here, here and there and I hope you will all enjoy this new journey that I am on.  Feel free to reach out if I can ever help you or if you would like me to write about something specific.

Here is a picture of my daughter with yours truly…

Screen Shot 2019-03-01 at 4.24.01 PM

 

Hope you all have a wonderful day!

 

 

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