My husband is a saint. I am a very reflective person, sometimes to a fault. I over analyze silly things because I’m trying to find the reason for why things happen the way they do. I am so grateful for my husband because he allows me to discuss all these things that are swirling in my head and doesn’t judge me for them haha. It sounds funny to even write that.
One thing that I realized after some long talks with him and just overthinking at it’s finest, is that sometimes I do not accept other people’s flaws as what they are…flaws. I know I’m not perfect and have many flaws myself, but in my head I try to work through my flaws and make them better, but the truth is they never fully go away.
Flaws are a difficult topic. I still think back to the millions of interviews I have been on in the past 6 months and I always cringed when the dreaded question came up, phrased in a few different ways:
1. What are your weaknesses?
2. What are three areas of opportunity for you?
3. What is something your working on to improve to make you more successful?
4. What would your former manager say are your areas of opportunity?
Or so on and so forth, you get the point. I don’t know why I got so nervous answering these types of questions. I’ve read many interesting articles about presenting your weaknesses in an interview and the one thing I always read which I think is so powerful is to present your weakness, talk about why it is a weakness in your eyes, and then tell the interviewer how you are working on making it better or steps you are taking to improve. For me, when this question arose and I addressed it in an organized fashion as listed above, it was so much more powerful of an answer and was in fact an answer I was proud to give.
It’s so interesting how protective we are of our flaws. We are soooooo quick to point out other people’s flaws but often don’t even realize our own. Something even more interesting is that we often do the same or very similar things that we are getting annoyed at the other person for doing. We are so quick to judge and attack their character and actions, however when the tables are turned and they attack our character and actions, we immediately go on the defense. Why do we do this?! I’m still trying to figure it out myself.
One thing that has really helped my marriage, at least I hope it helps it, is that I am really trying to make a conscious effort before I say something that my husband may take offense to, to think about all the things I do in that similar category that may make me seem hypocritical. I try to approach things I would like him to change more constructively instead of in a way in which I’m attacking his character or actions. The one thing I can say is I’m not perfect, and often I still attack his character or actions and the thing that I love about my husband is that he very quickly, honestly and not in a hurtful way calls me out.
An example of this is clothes left on the floor. Sometimes I am just so dang tired I throw my clothes wherever they land on our floor and I quickly jump into bed because that’s all I want and need and I can’t be bothered with putting my clothes in the hamper or hanging them back up till the next day, in three days, or even sometimes next week (gasp, yes I’ve actually left clothes on the floor for over a week). My husband is typically way better than me at this task of putting clothes where they should go, but I found myself pointing out when he didn’t. Wow, how annoying of me. I, the same girl that left clothes on the floor for a week, was criticizing him for leaving his boxers and socks on the bathroom floor. Woops! Sorry Dan…
I realized that he puts up with so many silly things that I do in life, but I’m not always as likely to give him a free pass. So now, I try (again I’m not always perfect) to instead of saying something, I just pick up his clothes and throw them in the hamper. I don’t know if he notices, but I’m trying to be better and realize that some times in a marriage, it’s important to just help the other person out instead of presenting their flaws. I know he appreciates me picking up his clothes, in fact he sometimes even thanks me for it and that makes me feel good.
Why do we draw so much attention to things that other people do “wrong?” It’s such a weird human characteristic and in my opinion a flaw.
I really want to try my hardest to celebrate the things those around me do well, instead of harping on their shortcomings. It makes me happier to not think of the negatives.
Have you ever done this is your life? I’m sure you have pointed out someone’s flaws without even noticing it. Maybe it’s time to stop doing that and stop bringing other people down. Instead lift them up and thank them for the things they do to make your life better, easier and more fun. I can promise if you approach life more positively, more people will start to question why and how you are so happy. I’ve even heard people say “what is she smoking, I want some…” which is so crazy to think that in order to be happy and share joy we have to be on some form of drugs.
Anyways, this ended up longer than I thought it would be, but I challenge you to express your joy and lift people up rather than pointing out their flaws. Own your own flaws and find ways to work on making them better. See if it makes a difference in your relationships and in turn in your overall life. I can promise you it is worth trying it out.
Here’s a picture of my thoughtful husband and I this past weekend. Thanks for making me a better person every day 💗